Ever caught yourself thinking, Im more drawn to my own body than any partner? Youre not alone. Some folks discover that their primary sexual attraction is toward themselves. Its called self sexual preference, and its a perfectly valid part of the wide spectrum of human sexuality.
In the next few minutes well demystify what this looks like, point out common signs, share a quick selftest, and weigh the upside and the challenges. No jargonfilled lecturesjust a friendly chat that gets straight to the point.
Understanding the Term
What does self sexual preference actually mean?
Put simply, self sexual preference is a sexual orientation where a person feels most aroused by themselves rather than by another person. Its often called autosexuality or autoerotism. The word breaks down into auto (self) and sexual, so it literally means sexually oriented toward oneself.
While the term is still emerging in mainstream conversations, reputable sources such as describe it as feeling a strong, consistent desire for solo sexual activity and emotional satisfaction from selfpleasure.
How is it different from asexuality?
Both autosexual and asexual people may spend a lot of time alone, but the motivations diverge. An asexual person experiences little or no sexual attraction to anyone, while an autosexual person does experience sexual attractionjust primarily toward themselves.
Is it the same as being narcissistic?
Not at all. A common myth pairs autosexual with narcissist, but the two concepts address different realms. Narcissism is a personality trait marked by an inflated sense of selfimportance and a need for admiration. Autosexuality is about where sexual desire is directed, not about selfesteem.
| Feature | Autosexual | Asexual | Narcissistic Traits |
|---|---|---|---|
| Primary attraction | Self | None or any | Selfesteem focus |
| Preferred activity | Masturbation, mirror play, toys | May enjoy or not | Sex for validation |
| Emotional intimacy | May prefer solo | Often seeks nonsexual intimacy | Uses intimacy for ego boost |
Where does the autosexual flag fit in?
Like many identity groups, autosexuals have created a flaga rainbowgradient banner that celebrates selflove, autonomy, and sexual diversity. Seeing it online or at pride events can be an affirming reminder that youre part of a broader community.
Core Symptoms Explained
Symptom #1 Persistent focus on selfstimulation
If you find yourself reaching for a vibrator, a mirror, or your phones selfie feature more often than youd expect, thats a flag. Autosexual symptoms often include frequent solo sessions, an affinity for toys, and a strong mental image of ones own body during arousal.
Symptom #2 Emotional fulfillment from solo experiences
Do you feel calmer, more content, or even complete after a solo session compared to a night out with a partner? Many autosexual people report that selfpleasure delivers a deeper emotional release than partnered sex does for them.
Symptom #3 Reduced desire for romantic/sexual partnership
Its not that you dislike peopleyou might still enjoy cuddling, conversation, or emotional intimacy. The key difference is the level of sexual desire. Some autosexual folks are content with platonic relationships; others may still engage in partnered sex occasionally, but the drive is consistently lower.
Realworld example
Take Maya, a 27yearold graphic designer. After a few years of dating, she realized she felt more energized after a night of solo play than after a date. Instead of labeling herself broken, she researched and discovered the term autosexual. Embracing the label helped her explain her needs to friends and, eventually, to a supportive partner who appreciated her honesty.
Quick SelfTest
Five questions to gauge your preference
- Do you regularly think about your own body when youre aroused? (Yes/No)
- Does solo sexual activity leave you feeling more fulfilled than partnered sex? (Yes/No)
- Do you prefer using mirrors, toys, or visual aids that focus on yourself? (Yes/No)
- When you imagine an ideal sexual scenario, is it usually you alone? (Yes/No)
- Do you feel relaxed and whole after masturbating, even without a partner? (Yes/No)
If you answered yes to three or more, you might resonate with a self sexual preference. For a more structured assessment, you can try the . Remember, quizzes are just guidesnot definitive diagnoses.
Interpreting the results
High scores can simply mean youre comfortable with solo pleasure. If the results cause confusion or distress, consider chatting with a certified sex therapistsomeone who can help you contextualize these feelings without judgment.
Benefits and Risks
Why embracing self sexual preference can be liberating
Understanding and accepting your orientation can reduce internal conflict and boost selfesteem. Youll no longer waste energy trying to fit into a mainstream narrative that doesnt reflect your reality. Plus, you gain the freedom to explore your sexuality on your own terms, without the pressure of performance.
Potential challenges to watch out for
Stigma remains a hurdle. Some partners may misinterpret your preference as selfishness, while society at large can be dismissive. Theres also a risk of isolation if you retreat completely from social or romantic connections.
Strategies to stay balanced
- Find community. Online spaceslike the offer a place to share stories and get support.
- Communicate openly. If you have a partner, explain that your preference isnt a rejection but an additional facet of who you are.
- Mix solo and shared experiences. Many autosexual individuals enjoy soloplus arrangements where they incorporate a partner into their routine on their own terms.
Mentalhealth overlap
Occasionally, selfpreference can intersect with compulsive behaviors or bodyimage concerns. If you notice that solo activity starts to interfere with work, sleep, or relationships, it may be useful to seek guidance from a mentalhealth professional familiar with autoerotism psychology.
Living Authentically
Dating while identifying as selfsexual
Honesty is your best ally. When you feel the time is right, let potential partners know youre autosexual. You might say, Im most sexually fulfilled on my own, but I love the intimacy and connection we share. This transparency can filter out those who arent compatible, saving everyone time and heartache.
Supportive symbols and groups
The autosexual flagits pastel rainbow gradientserves as a visual rally for those who feel seen. Joining forums, attending virtual meetups, or following podcasts that discuss selflove can reinforce your sense of belonging.
Professional resources
If youd like a deeper dive, look for clinicians who specialize in sexual orientation and identityespecially those who have published on . These experts can help you navigate any emotional complexities and provide evidencebased coping tools.
BottomLine Takeaways
Self sexual preference is a genuine orientation where the heartand the bodyturns inward for sexual fulfillment. Recognizing the three hallmark signspersistent selfstimulation, emotional contentment after solo play, and reduced desire for partnered sexcan help you understand yourself better. A quick quiz can confirm your instincts, while a balanced view of benefits and risks equips you to make informed choices.
Remember, youre not a medical anomaly; youre part of a diverse tapestry of human sexuality. If you resonated with any of the experiences shared here, consider reaching out in a community forum, talking with a trusted therapist, or simply sharing your story in the comments below. Your voice adds strength to the conversation, and together we can foster a world where every kind of loveespecially selfloveis celebrated.
FAQs
What exactly does self sexual preference mean?
Self sexual preference (or autosexuality) is a sexual orientation where a person’s primary sexual attraction is toward themselves rather than toward another person.
How is self sexual preference different from asexuality?
An asexual person experiences little or no sexual attraction to anyone, while an autosexual person does feel sexual attraction—but it is mainly directed at their own body.
Can being autosexual be confused with narcissism?
No. Narcissism concerns an inflated sense of self‑importance and a need for admiration, whereas autosexuality is solely about where sexual desire is focused.
Is it healthy to have a strong preference for solo sexual activity?
Yes, when it’s consensual, safe, and doesn’t interfere with daily responsibilities or relationships. Like any sexual behavior, balance and self‑awareness are key.
How should I talk about my self sexual preference with a partner?
Be open and honest. Explain that your preference isn’t a rejection but an aspect of your sexuality, and discuss ways you both can enjoy intimacy—whether together, separately, or a mix of both.
